I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
