Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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