hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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