yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
