the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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