Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
