drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
