Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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