What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
