oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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