Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
