She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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