I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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