soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
