I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
