I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
