Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
