No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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