i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
