You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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