Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
