i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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