Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
