Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
