Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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