I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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