if i can run in heels then i can drive
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
