dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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