I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
3 2 1 whiskey
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
