so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
