planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
