Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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