I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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