New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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