I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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