it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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