my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
