So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
