Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
