How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
