Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
