Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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