The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
