she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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