there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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