I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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