The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Text me some of your sweat
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
