remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
