I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
