Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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