why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think my moral compass just broke
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