Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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