i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
