Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
