My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
