tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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