We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
pray to the hookup gods
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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