My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My liver just had a heart attack.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
