I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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