You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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