Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize