I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
