thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
