Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
