Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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