We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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