I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Bring me that man meat
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize