Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
