you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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