i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
