hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
