Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
