This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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